knowing that no one will read this anyway i dont know what i should say.
uummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i need more drawing tools i guess because i have only ever drawn with a pencil. charcoal interests me becasue of all the different effects and the obscurity of it. so do acrylics because ive seen some great work dome with it and its not a perfect drawing tool. its flawed i think id be better off that way.

pssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh been getting a lot of medical things done lately...on medication for ADD... eventually my heart rate trippled and its still high. umm i had an ear infection ive had three ECGs since the beginning of march uhhhh ive had around 750 mLs(3/4 litre) of blood taken from me this month [if you didnt already know this theres only like 5.3 L of blood in your entire body. and yeah

mentally im dead haha cause of everything happening with friends and girls in the past like 2 months..
- the girl i like just came out and told me she liked me
- a bunch of her friends also like me
- the other girl i kinda like has a bf but kinda likes me too
- i told the girl i like that i liked her too but she wasnt ready to go out yet cause she just broke up with her ex. so i waited and a week or so later her best friend told me that she didnt like me anymore.
- now shes acting like she likes me again but im not sure
-the girl from the picture i drew is startin to act like she likes me too..
--and my head actually hurts from everything i have to think about.

oh and my cousin went on line and was like hitting on all my friends friends on my account so now a bunch of girls ive never talked to thinkim a creep when im supposed to go to a party with all of them next weekend. and i really dunno what to say to them about it.

my moms on my ass about these assignment that my teachers lost and are now saying i didnt hand in and im sittin there like "you fuckin liars"

ummmmm a bunch of my friends are fighting and it sucks cause i have to mediate

no time for art lately which i really need to do more to calm down.

i actually feel like i need to go to a monistary in japan to be at peace right now. just like ssit there and stare at the moon while the wind whistles through the trees. ive just been so lost lately.

oh and i came to a realization this week while i was doing my project for l.a.

i realized that "art is not the ability to capture a scene of a certain time or place, but to capture and explain the image of feeling and emotion. not to be able to replicate something onto a piece of paper or canvas. but to express it."
- Alex Heidrick